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Getting to Goal Weight day 314: Crashing Down to Reality With a Thud | perseverer's Blog


October 27, 2010

Crashing down to reality with a thud is what I have had to do a lot of lately.  It seems my capacity for self deception knows no bounds.

In this case, my GP had obtained a copy of my latest MRI report.  The word "severe" did not occur once in it.  There was no apparent deterioration.  So I kidded myself that things weren't that bad; my Neurosurgeon was catastrophising.

But there was the latest MRI staring me in the face from the computer screen.  And my Neurosurgeon has taught me to read my scans.  As he compared the images with the report he shook his head and said, "This is very naughty.  This is severe canal stenosis."

And he wrote my last remaining options on paper and told me I had the choice and just to say when.

Well, the good news is that my level of fitness has given me about 15 years.  Not from the present, by the way. 

And as I sat there in tears trying to explain the impact my condition has had on my day to day life, that I can't do the level of fitness activities I like, that I walk with pain, limp, have to sleep flat on my back etc he just laughed.  It was so humiliating.  I know many of his patients would dearly love to be able to do the things I can do.  I felt profoundly foolish, but resolved to continue to make the most of what I can do.

This Blog Entry's Comment Board (3 comments)
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perseverer
Posted on 02:16PM on Oct 27th, 2010
No, no no. The 15 years HAVE passed.
nellkellicus
Posted on 06:18AM on Oct 28th, 2010
Poor thing, you obviously had a shock, and got shaken from your denial, (which isn't a bad thing). You will persevere as always, and learn what you can tolerate and what you cannot. You'll learn new limits, and appreciate more the small things you now take for granted. You'll be OK.
perseverer
Posted on 06:01AM on Oct 29th, 2010
Thank you, Nellkellicus. Words of wisdom from a management expert. Much appreciated.
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